GloryUs Goings On – Teach girls early to not bully

Michelle Anthony, center, and daughters Maya and Kylie Hunter. Photo by Glory Weisberg

Michelle Anthony, center, and daughters Maya and Kylie Hunter. Photo by Glory Weisberg

Glory_GloryUs_NEWLittle Girls Can Be Mean. Four Steps to Bully-Proof Children in the Early Grades was written by Dr. Michelle Anthony. She spoke to Friends for Families First members at their Annual Education Luncheon.

Anthony has three young children and with first hand insight, she also used her Ph.D. to detail how young girls can be mean in ways that differ from boys.

Most of her six years doing research was spent with staff in her field in the Cherry Creek Schools. The district was groundbreaking in its definition of bullying and ways to combat it. Its Creating Caring Communities did early research into the situation at a time when teachers witnessed bullying and did nothing, figuring students could handle the problem themselves.

Research has come a long way since then, motivated after Columbine put a national face on the results of ignoring bullying.

Anthony’s daughter, Kylie told a teacher she was being bullied and her teacher told her to “get over it.”

Aggression today comes in not just physical abuse by peers but also includes social cruelty and relational aggression. Knowing how to be nice is an important skill kids need to learn and this training is needed as early as kindergarten. Kids that age fall victim to physical and emotional abuse as well and it may come from a child’s best friend.

Anthony said kids need a positive outlet for their aggressive tendencies and to express themselves through music, art, math and writing competition, as well as moderate and controlled computer games.

Anthony’s book is available at dranthony@littlegirlscanbemean.com.

The January issue of Smithsonian article, “Expiration Dates, New research suggests we can defy genetic destiny.”  In part, this article focused on DNA threads called telomeres (that) have been linked to life expectancy. The DNA that makes up genes is entwined in 46 chromosomes, each of which ends with a telomere, a stretch of DNA that protects the chromosome. Telomeres are quite long at birth and shorten…every time a cell divides… In a Duke University study, researchers analyzed DNA samples from 5-year-old children, and again when they were 10. During that interval, some had been subjected to physical abuse or bullying or had witnessed adults engage in domestic violence.

Idan Shalev, the study’s lead author said, “We found that children who experience multiple forms of violence had the fastest erosion of their telomeres,” the article quotes from the Duke study. Do read that article in full as more evidence of erosion is explained.

Cancer League funds

The Cancer League of Colorado Fund Allocations Committee met on Feb. 18 and approved donating $159,500 to fund 30 service organizations.  For information visit cancerleague.org.

Etiquette

In last week’s GloryUs Goings On Etiquette section, a private party at a country club was mentioned. Now the inbox has requests for handling other awkward party situations. It’s hard to believe but people are actually inviting themselves to private parties.

If the party is a benefit for a nonprofit that you learn about but don’t get invited to and you would like to pay to attend, such request is due no closer to the event date than three weeks ahead. Skip the excuses because readers have heard them all and that doesn’t help because the nonprofit has to turn in solid attendance numbers in advance.

If your explanation for not RSVPing either with or without an invitation is valid, you can certainly make a donation and skip the event. Ask to be included in a future benefit mailing. I suggest your donation be at least the amount of the event price.

Showing up without an invitation is an absolute no-no. If you learn of an event you have been invited to previously and have attended or supported call the agency and check on the status of your invitation but again, do so well in advance. If you see the event listing in our “Charity Calendar” and want to attend an event use the contact information listed there but do so as soon as the event is listed for the first time.

Yes, I’ve heard of horror stories of past donors not getting invitations but if you changed your mailing address, email address or didn’t attend the last event, call and find out if someone mistyped your address and the invitation went into the dead letter box or was returned to the agency “without forwarding information.”

At this desk it happens constantly and we have not moved in three decades. Let’s face it, computer address input is often an entry-level task and even if it’s done by volunteers or if the invitation is hand written, addresses get mangled. The most common error has some Villagers located in a north metro area neighborhood because the “south” word was skipped.

We turn now to those who learn of a private party and call the host and ask to be invited. That’s rude and inappropriate, regardless if you’ve been invited before or know the host well. If you don’t know the host well but know friends going, let it go. There are reasons for not inviting you and nag as you may, they aren’t going to give you an explanation and you’re not due one. If you go ahead and send the host an inquiry and get no response drop it.

Another popular complaint I’m suddenly learning about is even worse: showing up to a party uninvited or being invited alone or showing up bringing uninvited guests with you. Good grief! No.

The only person or persons welcome to an event are those whose names appear on the invitation. The exception: if the envelope is addressed to one person with “and guest” on the invitation. Other than that, go alone or send your regrets. Skip the excuses that we’ve heard, such as you fell madly in love with someone Saturday night and can’t bear to be without him or her, went to Vegas and got married on the spur of the moment or vice versa.

Devoting so much space to one etiquette faux pas is unusual but with so many readers expressing requests, it’s worth the column inches and thank you for your emails.

By the way, if you are no longer “with” the named co-guest due to illness, death or other situation, I would certainly call the host and ask if it would be appropriate to bring someone else.

If you have an etiquette question or complaint about mobile phone manners, please contact me as I too am getting used to dilemmas created by clumsy fingers that type the wrong words, etc. T’is a brand new world with amazing technology and some results are funny, others not. Yes, we already know that phones go dead at the intersection of East Belleview and South University. Cherry Hills Villagers know and to date it’s still an unsettled matter for at least some carriers.

gloryweisberg@comcast.net

 

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